The Problem with Malls

…is that they remind me of the sanitized, corporate-owned, underground cities that we’ll all have to live in after we’ve destroyed the surface of the earth.
And if the malls are underground, how will we escape the zombies by helicopter?

…But Will They Sell in the Blue States?

In case you were concerned about a pachyderm insurrection, the elephants want us to know that they come in peace:

By the way, an elephant can apparently recognize itself in a mirror, just like primates, people, and dolphins. Teaching an elephant to paint is thus infinitely cooler and more worthwhile than the [...]