Can’t You See That Man Is a Nig?

In my imagination, that is how Barack Obama starts his inaugural address, with the crowd responding much like those townspeople. Obviously, this will never happen (although incidents such as this give me some wicked audacious hopes). Regardless, the facts are that Barack is Cleavon Little from ‘Blazing Saddles,’ whereas Hillary Clinton is Annette Bening from ‘American Beauty,’ and John McCain has just finished morphing from ‘On the Waterfront’ Marlon Brando to ‘Apocalypse Now’ Marlon Brando, with the final dreaded transformation into ‘Island of Dr. Moreau’ Brando set to commence upon his loss to Barack in November.

In light of this reasoning, I think the right choice is obvious. But in case that didn’t convince you, here are three excellent reasons why I will, and you should, vote for Barack Obama.

1. Read Andrew Sullivan’s article ‘Goodbye to All That,’ which articulates any number of arguments for what makes Obama a better candidate at this historical moment than either of his competitors. For me it’s very generational; Clinton and McCain are 20th century, Baby Boomer candidates. Obama’s newness on the national political scene is just so fresh and, so fresh and so clean clean. He’s the first candidate of the 21st century, and it’s time to stop livin’ in the past.

2. His campaign has been the most energized, well-organized, lucrative, well-oiled activism machine of any in recent memory, so for those concerned that he lacks experience, this should tell you something about his capabilities as an executive and leader. This also validates my conviction that I don’t just ‘hope’ Obama will bring ‘change,’ but rather I expect him to produce more reform than the other candidates. Reform is the real issue here, because W has destroyed the public trust.

3. He supports decriminalizing marijuana and his favorite TV show is ‘The Wire.’ The man just straight-up knows what’s what.

Of course, if you’re some kind of soulless Republican (click it!), then perhaps John “Now Ornery AND Senile” McCain is the guy for you, in which case I’m sure you’ll enjoy this very touching music video, my submission for the ‘funniest piece of anti-Obama media’ portion of today’s contest:

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