Voting: Democracy’s Greatest Enemy

Two-and-a-half weeks until the election.  Clinging desperately to the rim of history’s dustbin and refusing to let go, John McCain continues his campaign to be America’s first zombie president.  But without reasons people should vote for him or any real chance at winning, what is there left for the McLizard King to do?

The answer, obviously: invent a phony controversy about voting fraud so that when you lose, your base thinks the election was stolen from you!  Oh, and while you’re at it, don’t forget to use your invented expose as an excuse to suppress votes from the poor, minorities, and first-time voters in swing states.

Wait, what?

Here is a handy-dandy-(snarky) FAQ about ACORN. Here is another.  Last night, McCain claimed this group threatens the “fabric of our democracy.”  Quickly: ACORN runs voter registration drives. Some volunteers make up fake registrations to meet quota, so somewhere in Ohio, imaginary people like Mickey Mouse are registered voters.  For any vote fraud to actually take place, some sneaky Democratic communist has to show up in Mayberry, OH and claim to be Mickey Mouse.

If you’re going to undermine American democracy it is MUCH easier to identify the people who don’t like you and stop them from voting than it is to invent votes for yourself.  People who are young, poor, or black all tend to vote for Democrats for some reason, so every two years Republican lawyers go to state and local governments and raise a stink about fraud in ACORN and other get-out-the-vote drives.

Suddenly, it’s two weeks before an election and a lawsuit requires every little county election board in an important swing state to review every single voter registration form and disqualify those that can’t be verified. This suppresses votes and saps the resources of election officials so that they’re unprepared on election day, especially if there is high turnout.

Suddenly, it’s election day and John Q. Public shows up at the polls. There is a two-hour line to vote and when he finally gets inside, he finds out he’s not registered to vote because there was a typo on his registration form or because his house was foreclosed and his address doesn’t match the record. All because some Republican lawyer is “afraid” that Mickey Mouse won’t destroy America.

You might remember that scandal where Alberto Gonzales had to resign because he fired several lawyers at the Department of Justice after they refused to file lawsuits and start investigations that would hurt the Democrats in the ’06 elections?  Well this ACORN thing is exactly the same, except now the Presidency is at stake. Please check out TPM for a more detailed explanation of how the Bush government is helping Republicans cheat in the presidential election. Freedom is on the march!

In conclusion, John McCain is going to lose, but on his way there he’s going to accuse Obama of stealing the election as a way to help his own party steal the election. Then, when he loses anyway, it’ll be okay because he’ll have a few million gun-toting religious fundamentalists convinced that Obama is an election-stealing terrorist, and they can all move to Alaska, secede from the union, name Sarah Palin the Ice Queen of Narnia, and live happily ever after.  The End.

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