So, Is This Why I’m Not Getting Any?

Look at all those blue balls...

Look at all those blue balls...

Enjoy this interactive map of the U.S., it shows which areas have a surplus of single guys and which have a surplus of single girls, adjustable by age.  As Ezra Klein, Matt Yglesias, and Andrew Sullivan take turns noting, it appears that the demographics most doomed to live cold and lonely lives are, statistically speaking, young men and old women.  Between the ages of 20-35, there are too many single guys in literally EVERY city in America where data was available, with the one exception of Springfield, MA, where the ratio was basically equal, so there are, apparently, no single people there.

As the bloggers I linked to above deduce, the reason for this is that girls, on average, get married younger, to distinguished older gentlemen with lots of money and little blue pills.  But the joke’s on them, because women live longer than men, these guys die, and as you can see, above age 40 there are far more single women than single men.

So, basically, before they hit middle age, today’s women, like the young turks of yesteryear, can sow wild oats and sleep around as much as they want, until they must desperately seek love and stability in a race against the ravages of age, which will no doubt send their hopes for companionship on a rapid decline until the soothing embrace of death.

By contrast, today’s men spend two decades of adult life fighting for scraps doled out by sexually-empowered women while either living in a state of arrested development laughing at poop jokes or amassing the enormous fortune necessary to stay well-stocked in blue pills and tail when their turn eventually comes up. By middle age, they have settled down with a 20-something professional gymnast and  mock the lonely old crones whom they could not get to put out back when they were young, completely unaware that these hordes of older women are now cougars and sleep with the new crop of young single guys so that everybody is getting laid but never by somebody their own age.

Ah, the circle of life.


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