How George W. Bush Saved America

(ALTERNATE TITLE: Military Gone Bustrial Complex)

For anybody who needs a quick civics lesson, the Bush era that we are now mercifully bringing to a close was basically a textbook experiment in directly disobeying Dwight Eisenhower:

While ignoring Dwight, Bush also cribbed pages from an obsolete textbook, Reaganomics.

After 9/11, military spending ‘sploded all over.  Goodbye Eisenhower’s wisdom! And in case you haven’t read a newspaper in the last few months, the short version is that Bush’s undead zombie policy of Reagan’s voodoo economics got out of hand and ate its master’s brains.

So now that this combination of idiocies has wreaked its havoc across Ye Olde America, how do things look in this bizarre mirror universe, Our New America, where the President is the black lovechild of Abe Lincoln and JFK, the Pentagon asks Congress to DECREASE its spending, and hamburgers eat people? Find out, after the jump.

As you can see in the link above to this Boston Globe article, even the mad scientists and their doomsday machines down at Defense can’t avoid the pinch of global economic collapse, as an internal Pentagon oversight board is urging Congress to rein in spending and kill various weapons programs. This is extra-necessary because an increasing share of the D.O.D. budget is currently consumed with personnel costs, thanks to the overextension of our military in Iraq and Afghanistan.

Now conservatives spent a lot of this campaign staring wistfully into space thinking about Ronald Reagan, and even Barack Obama was calling on Reagan as an influence. I think this ultimately gives W way too little credit.

First of all, Bush out-Reaganed Reagan, so there was no need to get all nostalgic.  Bush’s problem was that Reagan inherited a several-decades-old Cold War. It was an outdated model, getting old and creaky, and it didn’t take all that much economic excess to bankrupt the U.S.S.R.  To feed the military-industrial complex until it exploded from gluttony like that guy in Se7en, Bush had to invent a whole new genereational conflict from scratch. Can you imagine the start-up costs? Probably between $700 billion and one trillion dollars, who can say!

The point is, YES George Bush had no idea what he was doing as he wandered his way through the maelstrom of America during a period of cultural turmoil and international insecurity. YES he made decisions based on simple personal credos that perhaps had no foreseeable merit at the time.  But by sticking to his guns and keepin’ on keepin’ on, he has done to the military-industrial complex what Reagan did to the Soviet Union, and created all of the circumstances necessary for the Reverse 9/11, a.k.a. America’s Got Redemption, a.k.a. last Tuesday night.

I guess what I’m saying is, don’t be so hard on Dubya.  Today he and Our New President are gonna hang out, get some snacks, maybe play some Xbox, and have a good talk.  It’s gonna be incredibly awkward. But give W some credit. You would probably still drink a beer with him, even if he is a war criminal. Admit it. Because you know at heart he’s just the Forrest Gump of world history:

Run, Forrest, run.


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