Paradercade

Andy ‘on the Road‘ Sellars should wear a ‘press’ ticket in the band of his hat, smoke thin cigars, and wear suspenders, because he has officially joined the ranks of citizen journalists, and now in a new videographic capacity! Go read Andy’s take, then watch his footage of the Obama motorcade leave the White House.

This is my question:

What kind of mad mad mad mad world do we live in when the Presidential motorcade has no less than SIX motorcycles with sidecars that make ‘put-put’ noises? How is this possible? First of all, they are all put-putting out the gate at like 30 miles an hour, but the limos and black SUVs come peeling out like Obama just clubbed Bush with a bust of James Garfield. What happened to these people, were they ceremonially crushed on Pennsylvania Avenue?

Secondly, none of the sidecars even had people in them. It might-as-well have just been a motorcycle. There were also six motorcycles without sidecars. But if you think about it, just-a-motorcycle is more useless. At least if you put a guy in the sidecar he can be your gunner. This sort of shoddy thinking leads to government waste and leaves the motorcade open to security risks such as this:

So by what tradition do these completely unintimidating relics lead off the presidential(-elect) motorcade? Andy, you’re an apprentice lawsmith, I expect statutes. Arcane statutes.

UPDATE: Turns out Andy’s covering the same beat as today’s press pool report, which begins at the scene of Andy’s dispatch and follows Obama to… a secret meeting in an airplane hanger! Intrigue! Andy has clearly stumbled onto a much bigger plot than he realized going in.  Be careful man, it’s Chinatown out there. It’s Chinatown.

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